Struggles

We can struggle emotionally, physically and mentally.   It is our inner strength that pulls us through these struggles.  You have to dig deep to find your strength within your mind, body and soul to help you through challenging moments. 

Last fall I was on the path to compete in a March 2013 show.     I was training twice a day and following a lean diet to get my physique where it needed to be.  For the first time in two years I was struggling with my “competition” diet.  I was 100% some days, while other days it felt like I was only able to stick to it about ½ the day.  When evening time rolled around, the cravings hit the roof and I caved.   I got right back on the next morning only to find a few days later I was caving at dinner time.  Mind you I wasn’t inhaling pizza, ice-cream or cheeseburgers, I was eating things like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, gold fish, chips and salsa…normal stuff.   Everyday felt like a struggle as I found myself saying “I’m not going to do that again”.  I did it again and again and again.  I couldn’t figure out why I was struggling.  It began to bring me down that I wasn’t able to dig deep to straighten this problem out.  I was around 15% body fat at this time, which is GREAT for the average person, but not for a competitor who is going to be stepping on stage.    My nutritionist changed up my diet and my workout routine.  The struggle still existed.   The bottom line was…it was me.  I was preventing myself from being successful.

When January rolled around, I swore to my diet, I had 3 months to get my diet in gear.  The workouts were a breeze.  I love lifting and doing cardio.  It's my anti-depressant.  My mind clears, my energy is better and my attitude is positive.    I got my head on straight and followed the plan.   About 3 weeks into it, I felt the struggle coming on again.  I was so frustrated with myself.  Why can’t I do this?  This diet was easy compared to past diets where it felt like I was absolutely starving to death.   What was my issue?

On January 31, 2013 I was diagnosed with breast cancer.   This was a gift to have gotten this news!  While that certainly wasn’t my feeling at the time; looking back it was the excuse I was looking for.  I wanted to go off the diet and eat, drink and be merry.  Guess what?  I did!!   I ate what every normal person eats.  It was heavenly.  It was as if I had never tasted these foods before.   I enjoyed wine and cheese, gourmet meals with sauces, sourdough bread and butter.  Oh my gosh, it just got better and better.  While some people may be devastated when they are diagnosed with breast cancer, it was my excuse to indulge in life’s pleasures!  I no longer had the daily struggle with my diet.  I didn’t care anymore.  I was free of that battle!  I had a new battle to cope with.  

It has been 6 months since I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I can’t believe how fast those months flew by.  Truly unbelievable.   I have spent more time with my friends in these past 6 months than I have in the past few years.  I'm not only indulging in great food and wine, but I indulged in my friendships, mini get a way’s, dinner parties and time with my family.   All of this has been extremely fulfilling.    The 6 month sabbatical from the body building/figure competition world, was much needed.  I had several injuries that were able to mend during this time as well.   While I didn’t completely stop working out, I haven’t been working out twice a day. 

Sometimes, we are struggling with something because it’s a sign.  I believe my struggle was a sign that my body was battling the tumor inside my breast.   It was trying to tell me, it didn’t have the mental strength required to stick to a competition diet.  It needed my mind to focus on a much bigger challenge.   

It’s important to be connected to your mind and body.  If we listen closely, it might be trying to tell us something.  It may be time to take a break from whatever it is that you are struggling with.  Giving yourself a break from your struggles, might provide insight and give you the clarity you need to find peace.

I found clarity, insight and peace with many things in my life.  Taking a break from something that I was struggling with that completely consumed my mind, did me good.  It didn’t happen overnite.  It took 6 months to get here.  I am stronger inside and I am ready to jump back into the body building sport.   I am embracing my diet and am really excited about coming back in with a fresh mind.   I am doing this for me.  I want to be the best that I can be for myself and if I achieve that, I will have the confidence to step on stage and be a winner!  

Until next time...