My energy is coming back and I’m starting to feel
better. I had my 1 week post op
appointment with my reconstructive surgeon on Thursday, March 7th. This
was my first day out of the house in a week.
I decided to hold off on taking any pain meds because I wanted to be coherent
for the appointment. My mom has been
caring for me full-time, which includes driving me to appointments.
My reconstructive surgeon’s office is in Sacramento. I thought this field trip would drain me of
any energy I had. We arrived at the
hospital in Sacramento, only to find there were no parking spots in sight. We circled the parking lot for about 12 minutes
and decided we better look elsewhere or I was going to be late for my
appointment. I was pretty excited about
seeing my doctor because I knew more news would be shared. I was very hungry to hear everything she was
going to tell us. We found parking
across the street. It was quite a hike
from our parking location across the hospital and up the escalator to her
office. Normally this would be a synch
to do. By the time we reached her office
I was out of breath, my heart rate was elevated and the pain begins to creep up
on me. As we sat waiting to be called
back, I practiced my yoga breathing to slow my heart rate and work through the
pain that was lurking in my rib cage, chest wall, pectoral muscles and upper abs.
In a few short minutes my name was called and we strolled
back to the room. By this time, my
bandages are completely soiled from the external bleeding that had occurred on
and off throughout the week. My skin was
itching daily, so I was ready to get the bandages off!
Prior to my surgery my reconstructive surgeon said it was
really important to look at myself after surgery and not to look away from my
chest in the mirror. This thought was a
bit daunting as I had seen many pictures on the internet and they all caused my
stomach to turn. I thought I would have
to sign up for therapy to get through what she was asking me to do. After surgery, they put clear bandages along
the side of your chest/upper ribs, where the drains come out. You are able to visually see the incisions
through these bandages. They had taped
white gauze over the vertical incision made on each breast and placed two large
gauze pads over my chest and wrapped a special bra around me. I wasn’t able to see anything with the bra
on, however when the nurses would check on me at the hospital I would look down
when they opened my bra and I could see the top of what used to be my
breasts. I thought, wow that actually
looks really good…I think I want to take a closer look. I reached down and pulled the large gauze
that is loosely lying over my chest/breasts…not sure what to call it right now since
the area is flat. Anyway, I pulled the
gauze away from my body and looked down.
I could see a very small curve at the top of my breast. This was the tissue expander, which has been
placed underneath my pectoral muscle.
They place them behind the muscle to stretch the skin and muscle beyond
normal expansion in order to insert the permanent implants in 4-6 months.
When I got home and was able to move around a bit, I would
go into my bathroom and open up my bra and look at my “breasts”. I was familiarizing myself with my new look. The only thing that was covered was the
vertical incision where the nipples once were.
Because I couldn’t see anything, my mind and I still visualized nipples
being under those bandages. The first
few days there was no bruising. The skin was clear, soft and quite lovely to
look at. I was surprised I could do
this without freaking out. As the
swelling lessened the bruising appeared.
I have green, purple, blue and yellow coloring that covers both breasts,
rips and goes down to my upper abs. It’s
really important to familiarize yourself with your breasts and to look at them
every day because you need to look for changes.
If there is unusual swelling or discoloration, you need to be seen. You can’t know this unless you are brave
enough to take a peak. That peak has led
to daily looks in the mirror. Sometimes
I look at them several times a day. I’m
fascinated by my new look and want to see more!
The doctor sits down with us and removes my gown. I’m not referring to a gown you would wear to
a ball or party…this gown is far from that look ;-). She looks at both breasts, feeling them from
top to bottom and all around. Everything
looks and feels normal. She looks at all
four drains and asks which ones are draining less than 30 ML of blood. We tell her #2 and #3. She says, we will remove those drains and
leave the other two. I’m
ecstatic!!! I had no idea I would be
getting any of my grenades or balls as we have been calling them, removed. Happy Day!!!
My mind starts to drift and I suddenly realize I haven’t
taken a Norco (pain meds). Oh my gosh,
this is going to hurt. It will probably
feel like sharp stabbing pains when she removes these drains. The tubes snake from the sternal head
(cleavage) of my pectorals, out through my ribs. That distance just seems like there will be
pain with it.
She’s removed all the gauze and tape and takes drain #2 and
says, take a deep breath and blow out, when you blow out I’ll remove the
drain. I take a deep breath and am ready
to feel everything…I blow out and viola she is done. I didn’t feel a thing. Wow, that was easy! Let’s do the other side. She has now removed all the dressing from
the right side and I repeat the breathing.
Only this time, I’m looking down at the breast. I can see the end of the tube at my sternal
head and want to watch it snake its way out of my chest. She pulls as I blow out and I can feel and
see the little tube withering its way out of my chest. AMAZING!
No pain at all. If anything, I
feel fantastic. She’s cleaned the areas
with alcohol which felt absolutely divine.
It soothed all the itching I had.
I didn’t want her to stop it felt that good.
Now she starts to pull of the tape and dressing that is
covering the vertical line. I can’t
feel a thing. My breasts are still
completely numb. She tells me it will be
like that for quite some time. All the
dressing has been removed on both breasts.
I ask my mom how it looks and she nods and smiles letting me know it
looks good.
We head out of the doctor’s office and I have never felt
better! My energy level is up, I’m
thrilled to only have two drains dangling from my sides and my blood pressure
was at its all time low since my diagnosis.
Thursday was the happiest day I’ve had with my cancer. It now feels like we are getting ahead of it.
As soon as we got home, I rushed to the bathroom to look at
my breasts. It is a trip to look in the
mirror and see that I have no nipples, no reals breasts at this point and all
this bruising, but I still love who I am.
This does not change me inside. I
look different, but I’m excited to watch my breasts grow each week as they get
filled with salt water. As my girlfriend
said to me…I get to grow my own breasts!
I can’t think of a better attitude to have about that.
My pectoral muscles are working on a regular basis. I have pectoral contractions throughout the
day. For those women who have been
pregnant, they feel like Braxton hicks contractions, only in your chest. For
all you guys who have had your blood pressure taken; that’s the sensation I’m
having in my chest. This is a normal
reaction the muscle is having to the stretching process. I
continue to believe that life has prepared me for this moment. I know all the weight training and cardio
workouts I have done over the past two years in the bodybuilding sport have
allowed me to bounce back quicker. Most
women feel much pain with their pectoral contractions. The contractions are slightly uncomfortable,
but more annoying than anything. They
aren’t painful for me what so ever. I
believe that is due to the amount of weight-lifting I’ve done. My pecs are used to be stretched and torn on
a weekly basis…this is just another exercise for them! Interestingly enough, I have very thin
muscles so I have to be extra cautious about my movements so that I do not
actually tear the muscle apart, while I am in recovery. My arm movement will continue to be below
shoulder height until told otherwise.
I finally got my hair washed and styled after a week of not
being able to wash it. I can’t take a
full blown shower yet. I’m not allowed
to get my breasts, or drains wet. I’ve
been using a wash cloth to clean my body and yesterday my hairdresser washed
and styled my hair. I feel really
good!!! Outside of my pain, stiffness
and inability to be able to work out, everything is OK!
I’m enjoying each day and not looking ahead or worrying
about what is on the next page. It will
be 2 weeks before we hear what my treatment plan is going to look like…why
spend those precious days stressing out when I can spend them relaxing,
visiting with friends and enjoying all the delicious food they are bringing
over for my mom and me.
Everything is perfect…I wouldn’t change a thing and I don’t
have any negative feelings about being struck with cancer. My favorite quote is “God gives us only what
we can handle. Apparently God thinks I’m
a bad-ass”. AMEN to that.
Love to you all,
Teresa
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