Losing Strength... there's a lump in my breast

3 weeks ago my OB/GYN confirmed I had a lump in my left breast.   During the exam he spent a little extra time on my left side.  He looked at me and asked when I had my last mammogram.  I asked if there was something we needed to be concerned about.  He said, he thought it was something we needed to take a look at. His expression was somewhat concerning; meanwhile my gut was telling me I had nothing to be worried about. I am going to be just fine.  

My doctor handed me my paperwork for my mammo and off I went.  The only thing I was concerned about was the cost associated with the mammogram.   I no longer have private health care insurance.  My employer offer’s a health care foundation plan; however it comes with a $3,000 deductible.  I knew the paperwork I received from my private physician would not be accepted by the foundation, without an appointment with one of their doctors.  I had already paid out of my pocket to see my private OB/GYN, therefore I was looking for a low cost option. 

I begin searching the net for low cost mammograms.  I came across several organizations who indicated they offer “free” mammograms.  I quickly clicked on those top results and learned that they were free in October, during the Breast Cancer Awareness month.  I never knew that.  What an incredible offer!  Unfortunately, that was no help to me now.  

There were other organizations offering low cost mammograms; after you applied for assistance.   I knew I didn’t have time to go through that process.  I continued my search.    

I decided to contact the health care foundation offered by my employer.    I knew my experience with the health care foundation was going to be like dealing with government…but I had no idea it would be like this.    I placed a call into the main office and asked what the process was to get a mammogram.   She looked up my plan and explained the process.  I asked what the cost for this service was and she didn’t know so she transferred me.  I spoke to 4 people by this time and finally reached a supervisor.   I am filled with frustration by the time the supervisor comes on the line.  She walked me through the process and said that I would need an appt with a doctor, who could then provide the necessary paperwork for a mammogram.  She was extremely helpful and answered all my questions.  I was relieved to learn as a new patient to the foundation, the cost was covered by the plan.  She transferred me to the scheduling desk and my appt was made for the very next day!

I walk into the facility and it feels like a cattle call.  There are at least 30 people in the waiting room who all had appointments.  Naturally, I was not seen on time.  I’m called back, close to 30 minutes after my appt.   I’m feeling very anxious at this point.  The doctor walks in the room and in a friendly voice introduces herself.  She looks at me after we’ve talked and shares that I did not need to see her in order to get a mammo.  I could have just walked into radiology and gotten one.   She agreed that I should get a mammo right away and pointed me towards radiology.  I couldn’t believe I could have just walked in…after what I had gone through over the phone.  My emotions began to take over and the reality that both my doctor and this doctor showed such concern, created a stir in me.  Why is everyone concerned and I’m not?   I still thought at that point, I had nothing to worry about.    I walked to radiology in tears and was told to come back tomorrow because they were closing in half an hour.

By this time, every emotion takes over.  I’m angry, sad, laughing and trying to figure out a new plan.  I’m determined to get a mammogram NOW!   The foundation had another location in the area.  I quickly drove over there not knowing which building to go into.  The parking lot was jammed and I had 10 minutes to park and find their radiology department.   As anxiety started to set in, a higher power came to my side.  A car pulled out and I had my parking spot.  I headed into the building and there was the sign.  Radiology was on the left side.  I thought that was a good sign...no pun intended!  Happiness began to flow through me.  

I walked as fast as I could down the hallway to the radiology department.   The only person there was at the check in desk.    I approached him and said “I’m probably too late, what time do you open in the morning?”   He said, we can get you in now.  Oh my gosh, this really was a good sign.  I filled out the paperwork and walked right back to the dressing area.   I undressed and the technician guided me to the room where the mammo would be done.   The nerves start to set in and I'm realizing again, why I am here.   The technician looks at my paperwork and notices there are markings on it.  She says, she can’t go through with the mammo without a doctor’s notice.  GASP!!!  Is she serious?  I have been through what feels like the ringer to get here and I can’t get my mammo.   I immediately take it out on her, letting her know the doctor I just saw sent me over here.  She said, she didn’t send a note and you have indicated you have a lump on your left side on this diagram, therefore she can not proceed with the exam.   You are damn right I marked up the paperwork, because I do have a lump!!!  I’m shaking with anger and tears are on the verge of spilling down my face.  I grab my sports bra and start to put it on.  My inner voice says, “you aren’t going anywhere, you got this far, you are getting this mammo”.   I turn to her and say, what do I have to do to get this mammo today.  I have a lump that is concerning to not one but two doctors and both my mother and grandmother have had breast cancer.  We are doing this!!!!!  She tells me not to take it out on her.  While I get that, she is the only one standing in front of me, that I can.

I walked over to the paper I had filled out…the one that I had marked up showing where my lump is.  I scratch out the markup and initial it.  I said, can you do the mammo now?   She starts to prep the machine and the exam begins. 

 The doctor I had seen a few hours earlier had told me that the technician would tell me if they saw something or not after the mammo was done.  I have had several mammo’s in the past so I knew this was true.  When the technician was done with my mammo, I asked if she saw anything.  She said she could not tell me if she saw  anything or not.   I told her that the doctor indicated otherwise.  She stood her ground and shared nothing.   I walked out and  she came up to me scolding me, telling me  I can’t leave until I fill out the paper work to have my previous mammo results sent over.  What is her problem?

I get home, I cry some more.  I can’t believe what I have been through just to find out if the lump in my breast is benign or not.  I haven’t even gotten that call and I’m upset.   Speaking of, no one in radiology told me what happens next and I was so upset after my mammo I didn’t think to ask.  

I can’t take this emotional roller coaster any more.  When is someone going to take care of me?  Why do I have to do all the heavy lifting on this delicate situation?   I’m a fighter, but I am slowly losing strength to this political battle.  All I want are the results of my mammo!

The next day I call the radiology department to find out what the next step is.  I reach their voicemail and leave a message.  I call the doctor’s office and leave a message with her as well.  I receive a voicemail from the doctor’s office saying my mammo is still being processed.  That seems odd.  Either they see something or they don’t.   The next voicemail I receive is from radiology letting me know I will get a postcard in the mail with my results.   Two different answers, from the same foundation.  Looks like we have a situation where the left hand is not talking to the right hand.

It’s now been two weeks and I have not gotten any further news.  I call the doctor’s office again and they say that my call has been returned and I have been given an answer to my question.  I can’t leave her the same message twice.  Oh my god, are you kidding me!!!!!   My blood pressure immediately begins to rise as I tell this woman that the message I received told me my mammo was being processed.  I’d like to know what the status is and the results.   She hears the fury in my voice and to my surprise comes up with my record!  She tells me the mammo is still being processed.  I can’t believe I’m hearing this.  Why does it take two weeks to process a mammo?  In my past experience I knew the day I had my mammo if it was “clean” or not.   This is ridiculous!   She leaves another message for the doctor.  The next day I get a call from the foundation.  My heart jumps with joy because I’m going to find out my results. 

The call was asking me how satisfied I was with my experience.   WHAT?   I get a call like this before I get my results.  Something is wrong with the system.   The media has done a great job, as has the community making it appear that we are addressing breast cancer more efficiently than we ever have.  What we don’t hear about are stories like this.   When you find out you have a lump in your breast, there is alarm for concern.  I do understand if a  lump is nothing the process may take a little longer.  Two weeks may seem like a short period of time to some to find out the results of their mammo, but when you have an actual lump, a family history of breast cancer as I have… the process should not take this long.  For me, too much time had passed for the phone call I received on Thursday.

I have been asked to come back in for further tests, which may include a biopsy!  

The strength I had walking into this, is now deflated by the fight I had with the political process.   I will not leave the building next week, until I know the result of my tests!  No matter what the result, it will be a relief!!  I will no longer have to worry, I will have an answer.