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I saw my reconstructive surgeon yesterday and had another drain removed! I am now only walking around with one drain. The drains were numbered so we could track and measure the amount of fluid that was coming out of each drain (3x a day). This is drain #4. It’s always been the one drain that has had the most fluid, so it’s not surprising that it’s still hanging on. I’m in no hurry to get this drain removed. Ideally, you want very little fluid coming out of your drains. If you remove them too soon, the fluid gets absorbed into your chest and if there is too much fluid, it can cause blood clots and other problems that lead to mini extractive procedures. I’d rather leave #4 in place until we see sand, as the doctor said.
After the drain was removed, I experienced that same found energy boost I got when drain #2 and #3 were removed. It truly is like having a weight lifted off you. There is always a sense of tugging coming from the drains. They are clipped to my bra and pull down on the bra, causing a small amount of pressure on my chest. Having that weight removed is wonderful. I felt energized until around 8pm. This is the second nite in a row that the pain increases and I feel really crappy. Fortunately, it’s happening before bed time.
I’ve been trying to wean myself from my pain medication. I’m down to taking one a day and it’s at nite time. As much as I want to be pain free, I’m just not there yet. All my visitors say I look like and sound like my old self, they feel my energy and positive outlook on this whole experience.
Today is the first day I woke up feeling low. I sat down at the breakfast table and saw an email from my “boob team/angel’s” that said they are going to continue the meal train over the next few weeks. For those of you who don’t know me, I’ve always had a hard time accepting anything from anyone. I’m a do it yourself made girl. This email brought tears to my eyes. As I sit here and type this update, the tears are falling down my cheeks. I’ve never considered myself lucky, fortunate or strong for that matter. I’m just Teresa. I feel like I am just like the person next to me or any person I am around.
I am starting to get glimpses of where the real differences are and today my eyes are wide open. I “feel” the love and support. I feel so lucky and fortunate to have all of you rooting for me, thinking of me, praying for me, visiting with me, bringing gifts of love to me, bringing food to nourish my body, to allow me to heal. I am so incredibly fortunate to have you all in my life. WHY you ask…because I am not alone. You are all by my side every day. You are all a BIG part of my journey with breast cancer and in life. I am overwhelmed by the help you all have given me and continue to give. It has made my journey with breast cancer seem like just another day. When you have friends, family and people you don’t even know reaching out and asking how they can help, you can’t help but push off the do it yourself made girl and surrender.
This journey is about healing! I am not just healing from the many facets that breast cancer brings, but my heart is healing too. I closed my heart when I was 10 years old. My father passed away from colon cancer. It was a devastating event for my entire family. I became a do it yourself made girl, as a result of losing my father at such a young age. This do it yourself girl, has never let me down. However, I have walked through life with a closed heart. It is that closed heart which has made it hard for me to accept help. You all have guided me through this difficult time. It is all of YOU and your energy that have freed me from the fears so many have about cancer. I have no fear, because all of you have brought so much love and happiness to my heart.
I have surrendered to your gifts of love. For that, I am indebted to you!
Namaste (this is a word for gratitude)
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