This update is really about hope more than anything.
I’m now entering my 3 week post-op. A lot has been happening since my last update. On Friday March 15th, I had my first fill. My reconstructive surgeon injected 40cc’s of salt water into my tissue expanders. The numbness from my collar bone to the top of by breast has gone. I felt the needle being inserted into my right breast. It was a small pinch. I am thrilled I have started to get some sensation back. It is a strange feeling to have your breasts examined and not feel a thing. The left side is 100% numb. I did not feel the needle or the fluid going into my breast. What I did experience was complete tightness with a teeny bit of pain; after the fill was done. The tightness radiated from my breast up to my collar bone and into my shoulder. I lost my range of motion as a result. Thankfully my mother was with me and she drove!
Outside of that, I am making progress and as of Sunday, March 17th…I celebrated the day by taking my first head to toe shower. While it took longer than previous showers, it felt good to be able to stand under the shower head and let the water pour over my body. It was quite soothing and relaxing! On Monday, March 18th I got the green light to start driving in 10-15 minute increments. I thought it would be a piece of cake. It was far from easy. When you have little range of motion in your upper body and have a chest that is tight as a drum, it is extremely challenging to drive with any sort of comfort. In fact, it feels more like a work out than anything. It’s rather exhausting and my doctor told me it will be a while before I build up my stamina for driving. Who knew?
It’s been 19 days since I have had my boys with me full time. Two of my 3 boys came over for a sleep over last nite. It was nice to have them home. I’m sure my older son would have loved to have joined us but he is attending college in Santa Barbara.
Late last week my oncologist called me and went through my test results as well as my treatment plan with me. I have been on a hunt for alternative solutions for my treatment plan, since I came home from the hospital, however after this call the search became more serious. I’ve lost sleep from researching everything I could learn about my treatment; from its side effects, benefits, statistics and more. It’s been exhausting and has caused a great deal of anxiety. I believe this is the most difficult time in my journey. Digesting what you have learned about your cancer and what the road looks like a head has been very emotional for me. It has frozen me in some ways. My mind has been focused on finding answers. I am a big propionate of alternative medicine and treatment plans. Traditional treatments such as radiation, chemo and hormone therapy are toxic to our bodies no matter how you slice it. It can throw your body into an unnatural state. No matter what treatment a cancer patient signs up for OR doesn't sign up for, there are no guarantees that a recurrence won't happen.
3 years ago a test called OncotypeDX came out. This test is for breast cancer patients who have Stage 2 cancer, no cancer in the lymph nodes and are ER+. I am so fortunate to have fallen into all 3 categories as a candidate for this test. This test determines if your cancer will benefit from Chemotherapy. The results came back and my cancer DOES NOT benefit from Chemo! Prior to this test...I was a candidate for Chemo. Sadly this test is not available for all types of cancer and as we all know, many people go through chemo to only have a new cancer develop. Ladies, there is HOPE that you WON’T have to have chemotherapy, should you have breast cancer. This is great news and I feel extremely lucky!!! Out of the 3 treatments offered to cancer patients, I only have to consider one.
Because my cancer is driven and thrives on hormones...estrogen in particular my doctor is highly recommending that I take a hormone therapy drug called Tamoxifen, for the next 5 years. While my recurrence rate is considered low (16%), my family history and own history with cancer (lip and breast), are an indicator that I have cancer cells in my system waiting to strike. I have spent my days and nights researching this drug. Like all the traditional treatments, there are side effects. Tamoxifen does not throw you into menopause as many think. Instead it blocks the effects estrogen has on your body and decreases the growth of hormone sensitive tumors. It is the only drug right now available for premenopausal ER+ cancer patients. It has been around for 30 years. Nothing else has been developed since Tamoxifen came out. Over 500,000 women take Tamoxifen annually in the US. Not all women experience the laundry list of side effects that Tamoxifen is known for; however there are many side effects which are very concerning to me. You can develop endometrial cancer, uterine cancer and pulmonary disease by taking Tamoxifen. All the studies I read indicated there is about a 20% chance of developing these problems.
I decided to seek out alternative medicine as a method for cancer treatment. I met with a Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor who has a background in oncology, cancer treatments and the imbalances cancer can cause to your body. She along with my 3 medical doctors recommended I take the Tamoxifen. Grrrrr. When am I going to meet someone that says you don’t need to take it…clearly that’s the answer I am looking for.
She checked my body’s imbalance and I started on Chinese herbs. Since being diagnosed with breast cancer I have had many sleepless nites. I’ve pulled all-nighters many times. I have used that time to write, research and read books on treatment plans.
As you know, we heal and our bodies recover when we rest/sleep. While I’m doing great…I’m not sleeping, therefore my body isn’t truly healing at its peak ability. She put me on herbs to help me sleep, relax and to address the circulation issues she discovered as a result of having cancer. We are not talking about traditional circulation problems but those related with a female who is pre-menopausal and the joyous effects that come along with “the change in life”. The goal is to bring the body back in balance prior to taking the Tamoxifen so that if I experience any side effects from the Tamoxifen, we will know they are in fact related to the medication. I think that is a Brilliant idea!!! I’ve been on the herbs for 3 days. The past two nites I have slept so sound I don’t wake until my alarm goes off. The relax herbs have helped with the tight chest feeling. It’s not completely gone, but it’s not as intense. The herbs are in fact working their magic!
I’ve taken the idea of further exploring my body’s insides to another level. I have an appt with my OB/GYN next week for a full exam. I am also going to request a detailed ultrasound be conducted so that we can ensure there are no fibroids in my uterus, no signs of ovarian cysts or endometriosis.
Finally, I am changing my diet. Because my cancer was developed by hormones, both mine and those I ingest, I am moving over to an organic diet. It's not far from the competition diet I was on, but I will be ingesting less meat. My Chinese doctor told me no red meat at all and to eat free-range chicken or organic chicken only, wild fish and organic veggies. Once again, I will eliminate sugar from my diet because cancer thrives on sugar. Additionally, I am speaking to a vegan author who is a 2x cancer survivor herself (amen), who includes a daily green drink in her diet. I’m getting some great ideas from her recipes and more information on how to include Kale (a high protein green veggie), into my green drink. I’m really excited about getting started with my organic foods and green drink. I feel healthier just thinking about it.
Speaking of healthy…Kaiser Research contacted me and asked if I would be interested in being a part of their breast cancer research study. Of course I would!!! I had a three hour interview yesterday. It was so cool! They came to my home and learned about my lifestyle, how I live, what I eat, my exercise routine, etc. I will be studied over the years and will be used as a statistic for other women who have my exact same cancer. I'm excited to be involved in this study!!! I can’t tell you how blown away the “interviewer” was at how fit, healthy and positive I was. She said I am their most unique study. She said out of the 5 years Kaiser Research has been studying breast cancer patients in my region, the fit, healthy and positive are in the 1% range. Most women are heavier, eat an unhealthy diet, do not exercise and are unhappy. There are plenty of women who are just like me who have had breast cancer. There is no evidence that shows being fit and healthy will prevent cancer…but cancer cannot take away a positive attitude, no matter what your shape is!!!!
I still don’t know if I will take Tamoxifen. I probably won’t feel comfortable about taking it, until I have had an extensive ultrasound. What I have learned through my journey is that we live in a self-serving world. If you want answers, go get them otherwise you may be waiting a long time for someone to give them to you.
I’m happy, I’m healthy and I’m one damn lucky girl!!!! I hope my journey gives hope to other women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer. It truly is not as daunting, frightening as it may seem. It’s all about your outlook and what you believe in. Believe in yourself, what your gut is telling you, but more importantly that cancer is not going to take you down.
One last thing before I close….Here’s a shout out to a breast cancer patient Isabella, who my cousin Karen introduced me to. Isabella lives on the east coast and is going in for a bi-lateral mastectomy on March 28th. My heart is with her as she goes through her own journey!
BTW, my cousin Karen just underwent surgery herself, for pancreatic cancer. She is as alive and bubbly as anyone. She has a great spirit and makes us all laugh. Here’s to life after cancer!!!
Namaste
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