I am a cancer survivor, but on the outside you wouldn’t know
that. I had a bi-lateral mastectomy on
March 1, 2013. After testing my tumor
against the Oncotype DX test, it was determined that my type of cancer would
not benefit from Chemo. That’s EXCELLENT
news, yes? As I begin to heal and make
progress with my range of motion and what I am able to do, I enter back into
the throws of life only to learn I am not where I was physically.
There are days that I honestly don’t feel like I ever had
cancer. My breasts are gone but that
doesn’t bother me one bit. Today, I
ventured out to go grocery shopping. I’ve
made a choice to change my already healthy diet to a more organic/raw diet with
more plant protein. I’m still eating animal protein but not as
often as I was. I was not an organic
advocate prior to making this decision.
I actually thought it was all a marketing scam for farmers to make more
money. After doing much research on the
subject, the United States Department of Agriculture has a National Organic Program and the
Organic Foods Production Act which are intended to assure consumers that the
organic foods they purchase are produced, processed, and certified to be
consistent with national organic standards.
You don’t need to rely on me for that
information. I’ve pulled this right off
the pages of the USDA Organic website. USDA Consumer Brochure: Organic
Food Standards and Labels: The Facts
“What is organic food? Organic
food is produced by farmers who emphasize the use of renewable resources and
the conservation of soil and water to enhance environmental quality for future
generations. Organic meat, poultry, eggs, and dairy products come from
animals that are given no antibiotics or growth hormones. Organic food is
produced without using most conventional pesticides; fertilizers made with
synthetic ingredients or sewage sludge; bioengineering; or ionizing radiation.
Before a product can be labeled ‘organic,’ a Government-approved
certifier inspects the farm where the food is grown to make sure the farmer is
following all the rules necessary to meet USDA organic
standards. Companies that handle or process organic food before it gets
to your local supermarket or restaurant must be certified, too.
I am more confident about
making this decision to move to organic foods.
I am not going to the extreme.
Any “skinned” fruit or veggies such as bananas and avocados; I will buy
whether it is organic or not because it has a thick skin to protect it from all
the pesticides. This could be up for
debate, but this is my personal choice.
Going shopping today was a
bit of a transition because I shop at a discount grocery store for all my “center
isle” items. They don’t have an
abundance of organic foods. In fact, I
only found one itsy bitsy section of greens that were marked organic. I made my way through the discount store to
shop for what I needed for my pantry.
While I was shopping, I got bumped into by another female shopper. She bumped right into my breast. While I am still numb, it generated
pain. She didn’t even apologize. I realized how unaware we can be about others
when we are rushing from one place to another.
At the same time, I was floored that she didn’t apologize and that she
didn’t know I had just had surgery to remove cancer from my breasts. I do
not look like the stereotypical cancer patient who we have all seen on
television. Thanks to the media, we have
a stereotype about how one should look. I
look like everyone else. I look healthy,
I have hair, I’m wearing make-up and a spring outfit. I don’t look that different from anyone else
shopping. I suddenly started to have a
low sinking feeling rise in me. I ignored it and continued to shop. I couldn’t’ reach for items I needed on higher
shelves. That sucked!!! I managed to scale the shelves to get what I wanted…while
it was unsafe, there wasn’t always someone in the isle I was in, to ask help
from.
I’ve got everything I need
in my basket and head to check out. This
store requires that you bag your own groceries.
I’m completely okay with that. I
have my own bags that I bring with me, so I can neatly pack my groceries and it
does help our environment ;-) I start
packing my groceries, realizing I have to pull my packed groceries out of the
basket and put them in my car and then hall them up my stairs to my flat which
is on the second floor or my building. I
try and pack each bag as lightly as I could. The sinking feeling was turning in my stomach,
making it’s way to my brain. Oh boy…that’s
never good. I paid for my groceries and
headed to my next store where I would grab all my organic veggies. This store didn’t have as many organic
goodies as I thought. I got away with
what I needed and headed to the check-out counter.
The young girl was smiling
at me and said, “what have you been up to today”, I shared that I had been
grocery shopping. She continued to try
and engage me and ask several more questions.
I put on a fake smile and pushed through her questions without giving
much of an answer back. For the first
time, I wanted to blurt out “can’t you tell I had cancer”. Clearly I was on a downward spiral. I put my groceries in my car and sat there
for a moment. My phone chimes indicating
a text has come in. I look and it’s one
of my girlfriends asking how I was doing mentally. OH MY GOD, how does she know I am about to
fall apart. I sit in my car and
cry! I am realizing that I am not able
to do as much as I could do before my bi-lateral mastectomy, I can’t reach
things, I can’t carry 6 bags in one hand and 3 in the other. I have to take
each bag up the stairs one by one. I
know that’s all I will be able to carry. I made a conscious choice to go organic. I’m shopping in unfamiliar territory. I look the same, but things feel different. I’m making a transition from what was a no
brainer grocery shopping routine to something new.
Transition to making a
change is never easy. We either try to
resist it or we embrace it or we try it on for a while and see how it feels. It felt very different for me today. I mourned my past habits and shopping
routine. Not only was the shopping
challenging due to my physical limitations, but it was challenging because I
was concentrating on looking for organic items that had the appropriate organic
label on it. Those items are not all in
the same place. This was new to
me. Again, I was in unfamiliar territory.
Most of us go through life
and create routines that we may or may not be aware of. When we have to make changes, we feel the transition
from what once was. It feels different. I am taking deep breaths and telling myself
my changes are okay because this will soon be my new routine and when that day comes,
it will feel like it’s always been that way.
We like to feel comfortable, we like to know what we are doing, but as
soon as we are outside of our comfort zone…we get uncomfortable and guess what that means...WE GROW!
Don’t forget to apologize to the next person
you accidentally bump into. You could make a
difference in their day!
Namaste
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